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K but you are missing out. I majored in women's studies at "Campbell Community College For Male Superiority".

— CJ



"The Talk" is the 3rd episode of the fifth season of Camp Camp, making it the 63rd episode overall. It premiered March 15th 2024 on the the RT FIRST site, and March 22nd 2024 on the Rooster Teeth site.

Official Synopsis[]

It's every camp counselor's worst fear! When David finds a dirty magazine, he takes it upon himself to deliver "the talk" to the boys. Since there's nobody else to do the same with the girls, Gwen reluctantly agrees to talk to them.

Episode Description

Plot[]

Out on the Magic Camp stage, Nurf is repeatedly trying to line up a large yellow bat to hit Space Kid's (who is cocooned in bubble wrap) helmet. Max is telling him to just get it over with, Neil is excited that it isn't him being hit this time, and Nurf says he's doing this to help him transition from Space Kid into a Space Man. David abruptly enters, disturbed at having found a lewd magazine this morning, showing them the cover featuring 2 men engaged in sexual activity while skydiving, censored behind some camping-themed stickers. Rather than punish them, he thinks this is the perfect opportunity to give them "the talk", to which Max would rather just take the punishment. CJ is enthusiastic about teaching the girls while David teaches the boys, and Gwen interrupts to ask if they've seen her notebook so that she can do a write up on the camp's bathroom violations. Concerned at the thought of CJ (who has apparently majored in women's studies at "Campbell Community College For Male Superiority") instructing the girls, he begs Gwen to teach them instead. After taking a moment to glare about it, she reluctantly accepts.

The girls are chilling outside the camper tents, with Ered seated on her skateboard, Nerris playing with a couple of humanoid figurines, and Nikki splashing in the mud. Wincing, Gwen asks if they already know about being a woman, and while their answers range from "sort of" to "human or halfling?" to "82 cents on the dollar!", she decides this is acceptable and enlists their help in tracking down her notebook instead. This brings them to the Flower Scouts camp, which remains abandoned as they have yet to return for the summer, and Gwen explains that she often comes here to avoid Camp Campbell, and believes the notebook is in this camp. Nikki and Nerris eagerly split up to hunt, but Ered hangs back; Gwen's earlier question about being a woman made her realize that she doesn't actually know anything, that talking to her dads about it is embarrassing, and admits she doesn't know a lot about being a woman. Gwen tries to cut her off, but upon being told she's mostly cool, she gets caught up in her prideful emotions and needs a minute to adjust.

Inside Flower Scouts cabin 1, Nerris finds a blue notebook tucked behind a standing wardrobe. Blowing off the dust reveals that it is "Jessie's Diary", so she sits down to start reading it. It opens with the writer introducing themselves as Jessie, questioning whether they should pledge loyalty to the masculine Wood Scouts, the feminine Flower Scouts, or the jesters of Camp Campbell, and wonders if they'd be accepted as she's never belonged anywhere, which leaves Nerris feeling star-struck. Nikki finds herself in the Flower Scouts spa, looking under some lounge chairs, and immediately dives into a pool of mud, oinking like a pig.

The boys are all seated in the Mess Hall, and David starts leafing through the magazine to find the first thing he should start explaining. However, the magazine gets worse with every page turn, including a reference to someone kissing their own mother. Max & Neil comment about David sweating, and how he was once too nervous to even explain the process of pollination. After pulling down a centerfold and declaring it unrealistic, David slams the magazine shut, and decides to do some word association, starting with the simple word: man. He asks the campers to say what they think of when hearing the term, and gives his own examples: beards, aftershave, and American football Quarterback Tom Brady. Nurf says soy boy, Harrison says simp, Preston says zaddy, and Dolph chimes in with manlet. To no one's surprise, they all learned these things from the internet, to which David is stunned.

Back with the girls, Ered is now sporting a full face of makeup that includes thick dark eyebrows and noticeably uneven eyeliner, all done by Gwen. Ered is asking an endless slew of questions about bras without giving Gwen a chance to respond, and Gwen is internally panicking as she has no clue what she's doing as she knows nothing about either makeup or bras. She is brought back to reality by Ered asking what she thinks, which Gwen tentatively says yes to, which causes Ered to agree to try the unknown thing since Gwen agreed to it. Nerris continues reading the diary, set to some lightly romantic music and soft pastel hues, as Jessie explains that they've never felt understood, finds it difficult to connect with people, and has always wanted to get swept up by some grand dreams in favour of reality. Nerris finds all of this to be extremely relatable, and thinks she might be experiencing love due to how deeply she's connecting with the material she's been reading. Still in the mud pit with sliced cucumbers over her eyes, Nikki revels about how gross it is, and lies back to continue relaxing after slathering some unknown green cream all over her face.

Gwen and Ered now find themselves at the fountain outside, with Gwen listing off various tampon sizes to an increasingly anxious Ered. She interrupts to ask that Gwen to start walking through "the mechanics" again, but the moment Gwen says the word uterus Ered growls in frustration, that she knew she wasn't ready for all this, that this is why she didn't go to the summer programs with the other freshmen, that she would be humiliated if they found out she knew nothing, that she's still a child, and will just stay here until he's 80, like Quartermaster. Gwen is cut off before revealing his actual age by Ered curling into a ball and flopping over with an exasperated sigh. Nerris, still engrossed in reading, now has some lit candles strewn about the room, and acquired a glass of orange juice, furthering the romantic mood she was experiencing earlier. She drops the glass upon discovering that the next calendar day, August 5th 1985, was Jessie's birthday, dramatically announcing this means that Jessie is probably dead now, and wails mournfully as the candles go out. Nikki, covered in shadow, starts applying "war paint" that she found lying around, amazed that it doesn't smudge, but figures it was borrowed from the Wood Scouts. Upon seeing her reflection in a hand-held mirror, the war paint is revealed to be makeup, more specifically eyeliner and blush. She notices a wall poster saying the mud bath will "totally change you", that her hands now have a pristine french manicure, that she's somehow wearing green platform heels, and wails loudly that she's become a monster.

Nikki and Nerris bolt outside to the fountain where Ered is still curled up on the ground, and simultaneously start explaining their individual shock through various degrees of tears. Gwen snaps out of her stupor to try and calm them down with "it's no big deal", causing them both to fully burst into tears. Gwen is further frustrated but the situation has caused Ered to unfurl, realizing that no one knows anything, but tells Gwen she's got this. She reassures Nerris that feeling lost doesn't mean that she doesn't belong, and that everyone has moments like that. She then tells Nikki that she can be anything she wants to be, that it's fine to question who you are, but that it doesn't make her any less than who she is. Nikki admits that she likes heels, as they make her feel as powerful as Superman when he wears heels. Ered concludes with the fact that no one knows anything, that this is natural, and uses Gwen, the full-blown adult with a job, as an example. Gwen tentatively takes the comment, and decides that they should raid the place, since the search was a bust.

The girls arrive back at the Mess Hall in time for the conclusion of Nurf's presentation as to why he is a prime example of an alpha chad, Neil is a classic omega male, and that David is a beta cuck, all while Dolph stands beside him nodding in approval. Neil is frustrated, Max is sat glaring, Space Kid is also nodding, and David has written in a notebook and says he's learned so much. Nikki comes in to gossip about grown-ups not knowing everything, but Max says this was made abundantly clear by the talk they had today. Gwen takes the lewd magazine from David, puzzled as to why it's covered in stickers, as she's been looking for it all day. Confused, David thought she was looking for her notebook. Turns out, she uses the notebook to hide her dirty magazines so the kids won't find it, and shoves a picture of it in his face, asking if he could imagine having to explain the contents. After awkwardly laughing it off, David leads the campers off to make s'mores. Left alone, Gwen commends Ered for how she handled the situation with Nerris & Nikki, and is glad she came back this summer. Ered accepts the thanks, and is glad that Gwen came back too. Gwen informs her that Camp Campbell has a junior counselor program, that no-one ever signed up for because it's likely terrible, but that she should look into it if she's interested. Ered says that Gwen had always said she'd rather be buried alive than be a counselor again, but she shrugs it off with, "eh, what do I know."

Upstairs in Cameron Campbell's old room, now presumably occupied by CJ, the new counselor conncludes his presentation (on a completely censored chalkboard) to Quatermaster on everything you gotta know about being a woman. QM seems genuinely enlightened, of which CJ is prideful, but then asks when the tentacles come in.

Features[]

Main Characters []

Supporting Characters []

Minor Characters[]

Music[]

Trivia[]

  • As Jessie's pronouns are never explicitly stated, and Nerris being heavily implied to be non-binary herself in "Preston Goodplay's Good Play", this confirms Nerris experiencing romantic attraction beyond the binary of male & female.
  • While Ered's exact age is unconfirmed, she says she purposefully missed a summer trip with the other freshmen to come back to camp this summer. Based on that statement, this would put her at approximately 14-15 years old.
  • The scenes shown in the teaser for the next episode include CJ and Gwen standing by as David rifles through a camper's tent, then has a phone slapped from his hand by CJ, the Eyepatch Squirrel giving Quartermaster the middle finger, Max looking through binoculars and being very shocked at something he sees, Nerris reading through what appears to be a book with teeth before slamming it shut, Nikki failing to break a glass milk bottle over a tree stump, Space Kid clutching a briefcase, David and Gwen presumably lowering a camper's tent into a fire, Max producing a jagged spoon from Nikki's hair as a self-defense weapon, Harrison with poison ivy all over his hands, CJ revealing a manila envelope labeled "evidence of price fixing, 2015-present. NO COPS", Ered threatening Max with a sharpened tree branch, Nurf using Nerris and Dolph as meat shields, and finally CJ sliding backwards into the bushes as Max, Neil, and Nikki look on. The audio overlay has Neil being incredulous that they (presumably the campers) are being left unattended in the wilderness, and CJ explaining that they wouldn't learn self-reliance otherwise. And if they don't believe that, then he's too far away to hear them.
    • To date, this is by far the end-of-episode teaser with the highest number of scenes of the following episode shown.

Cultural References[]

  • The episode's name refers to a conversation from adults to their children explaining about human reproduction.
  • The currently-abandoned Flower Scouts camp was used as a Spectre Halloween between the summers, which is a parody of Spirit Halloween.
  • Thomas Brady (ie Tom Brady) is among the examples of what David finds manly.
  • Nurf's chalkboard drawing shows the Virgin vs Chad meme format with Nurf as the alpha chad, Neil as the omega male, and David as a beta cuck.

Continuity[]

  • While digging in a box under the table at the Flower Scouts camp, a couple of the horrendous red, yellow & blue dresses worn in "Fashion Victims" can be seen, as well as a book written by Cameron Campbell titled "Using People & Taking Advantage of So-Called Friends".
  • Nerris refers to herself as "Nerris the Cute", which is a nickname given to her by her father, as seen in "Parents' Day".
  • The skeleton of Chuckie, holding a spoon, can still be seen in between the layers of the Mess Hall ceiling and the floor of Cameron Campbell's room. He was first mentioned by Max as a missing camper in "Reigny Day" and the skeleton itself was later revealed for the first time in "Camp Loser Says What?"

Errors[]

  • While not a visual or technical error, David's decision to show the campers the lewd magazine (despite being censored), and then rifle through its contents in front of them, is almost assuredly some sort of CSA crime, as they are all minors.

Transcript[]

The transcript for "The Talk" may be edited here.
No transcript here! Help out the Camp Camp Wiki by contributing to this episode's transcript. See Help:Creating transcripts for basic instructions.

Gallery[]

Main article: The Talk/Gallery

References[]

TBA

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